A Tryst with God - By Syed Kabir

Life with a Living God is an experience which I did not have until the summer of 1982. Since then it has been an experience of what life truly is and not merely existing. It was the entrance of a unique personality in my life that mutated the very purpose of my life. That bright morning, in the summer of 1979 turned out to be a pivotal point. I had gone with my parents to Bangalore to pay our respect to Bhagavan Baba. Not particularly interested in spirituality, I was paying more attention to the gaily dressed crowd that had collected to see Him. Suddenly a hush fell over the rippled humanity. 

Darshan in Brindavan

All eyes were fixed on the moving flame, Orange in colour, magnificent, awe-inspiring in the splendid aura of dazzling beauty. A perfectly chiseled head with black eyes that looked like dark pools of water. What was in that Face that trapped even my wanton eyes? And glued to It? Much later when we returned from Brindavan, my mind wandered back to many incidents of the day. And Bhagavan Baba was always in the center. He had graciously called us for an interview, created for the children small lockets in the shape of Allah. He had given to us sweet kalkand (evaporated milk) to eat, as we sat around Him. I saw the sweet oozing out of the fingers of His up turned palm. He had made me sit beside Him. Like a puppy I nestled close to the warmth of His love. The light of a reverential affection enveloped us all as if we had returned home after a long journey back to security and rest. I had lived for eleven years but to me life started in reality on that day. My parents told me that by giving the locket, Baba affirmed our faith in Islam, and Awaliya Allah would create anything out of nothing. To consider them magic was blasphemy "How silly grownups are" I had thought. "Who considered it magic. Certainly not me".  For months, I strutted in the divine protection of the locket. Then came the May of 1982. My parents had decided to put me in Bhagavan's school. As I walked up to the verandah for the interview, I heard Him uttering a few words which I could not understand. "Dekho Ab Taiyar Karta Har (look I am going to prepare him). Prepare whom? Prepare for what? These questions flashed in my then young mind. It was only later on, during my life with Bhagavan that I understood the true significance and import of these words. He prepares each one of us to face the challenges of life with inner strength and humility. He, slowly but surely, brings about a change in the psyche of man and his attitude to life. He raises the consciousness to the levels where man can understand his ‘True Reality.’ 

In science I had read about the mutation in the lower levels of organic creations, like those in plants, heard that it happens but rarely in the case of man. That I was the victim of it nor I would experience similar mutation in myself, I never thought. Bhagavan has come for the very purpose of changing the awareness of not one but the entire human race. "Man has to be first unmade and then remade'. My life lived with God has really been a very rich experience of the statement; a strange but enjoyable tryst, mixed with pain and pleasure. Even the agony and separation have been pleasurable. In Bangalore, once Bhagavan asked me "How many friends do you have?" “Twenty” was my proud reply. He smiled and turned to an American gentleman. "How many?” "One Swami," was the reply. He then held me with His unfathomable glance for a moment and said, "only one - God". On how many innumerable occasions, He had not proved it to be so. He became my friend, my guide, my protector, the one and only treasure. Living with God in one's dream world is not an easy experience, and Kabir, Jayadeva, Ramdas are examples of this sort of life. But living with a Living God - I mean God who talks, walks, pats, jokes, reprimands— is tough, to say the least The toughness connotes not only physical toughness, when one has to be on one's toes because with Bhagavan there is no rest, but it also registers a mental attitude and a behaviour pattern. One must be tough in spirit, in faith, in intellect and in facing life. 

It cannot be expressed in words. It has got to be experienced as an act of creation. The sculptor working on a block of stone feels it He chisels away the imperfections - dirt, weaknesses, scraps of unwanted pieces. If the slab of stone could relate the thrill and agony of each cherished stroke, it would perhaps tell that it was sweetness all along. l, nevertheless, turned out to be an unusually hard block, slow to respond, refusing to give in. Being born in a Muslim family, it was, I must confess, initially a difficult task to believe that God, who is formless and above the level of human existence, the overseer of all creation, could be born as a man on earth; that He could walk in our midst, talk our language, do things other human beings would do. Little did I know that one had to relearn the greater Truths of one's own religion, as I learnt the Truth of Islam at Bhagavan's Feet. 

Bhagavan has said that He has come down so that man can develop closeness to God. And Bhagavan did just that. He shattered the image of God as a distant and patient but answering listener of human sorrow and the judge of human folly. Bhagavan has proved that God is not hidden in the idols, mosques and churches, nor is He living in synagogues, or on Mount Senai, or Vaikunta, but He is a dynamic force, existing in every particle of cosmos. Therefore, He is most near and dear. On the broken conventional image, Bhagavan has built an edifice of faith that God is one who loves and loves to be loved. He is all merciful, forgiving, a Guide, a Master. With Bhagavan I also have learnt the significance of the attributes of Allah. With Him I grew aware of the importance of Islam. In the words of a scholar, Islam and Sanatana Dharma are not two different things but one and the same idea. The Divine is within every object, guiding and guarding controlling and perfecting. Atma is in all, Bhagavan has often stressed. The mystic in Islam knew it but it was kept a secret from the average man for he has no capacity to understand this Truth. Every individual who comes into Bhagavan's fold undergoes a change in his ways of thinking and acting as well as in attitude to life. The process of the transformation is both complex and amazing. It is complex because everyone has an in-built inhibition piled up through years of habits. It is not easy to give them up. He does not want to leave this individuality, and so when God offers to change man, he puts counter offers. But in God's contract there are no conditional clauses with His Creation. The process of offer and counter-offer goes on till what God has to offer is accepted readily, even hungrily by man. In a way, man finds that there is no other way out. This too is part of the wonder and complexity. There was a devotee of Bhagavan who had the habit of putting down on paper every little prayer that he had to convey to the Lord. For years, Bhagavan accepted bits of papers, making it quite plain to the person that He knows whatever that person does. Then one fine day, He stopped taking the letters. Days went by but no written paper was accepted. Sitting in Prasanthi Nilayam letters with registered post were sent to Bhagavan. No response was noticed. At last, the devotee had to resort to praying in the heart, pitifully, with love and humility. And it worked like magic. Not only Bhagavan responded but whatever was prayed for was fulfilled, be it a petty wish or a serious problem. The devotee then realised the significance of Bhagavan's words said earlier “I AM IN YOUR HEART." 

This process may appear to be simple because the only tool used here as well as anywhere by Bhagavan is love, love and love alone. In the beginning, there are love-showers. In His infinite compassion, He fulfills each and every desire, trivial, childish wants, position, power, healing of diseases, creating objects of protection. In His own words it is "I give you what you want". We become addicted to this pure love, dependent and attached to it. An instance of this supreme love is from my life. In His School, I experienced His love. He often created sweetmeat, gave interviews. Slowly I came to love Him intensely. When I a sat for Darshan He would call me nearer, spoke lovingly and cracked jokes. Seeds of love from Him sprouted and often I felt bad and pained if He did not speak even for a day. Then once when He is sure that the love for God is firm, He will shake, as a nail is shaken to see whether it is firmly, entrenched in the wall before a picture is hung. This is His churning process. He separates Himself from you during the treatment, remains out of your reach. You begin yearning for Him. He makes you yearn so much for Him that you are ready to sacrifice anything to hear one word of His, give up a life of pleasures, trivial wants and life itself because by then He has become the One and only One in your life - your first priority.

Then finally when He knows true love has blossomed, He will teach you what He has come for. This way He raises the level of human consciousness. Unless man goes through the crucible, he will not learn his true nature and have faith in Bhagavan's words. It is all a purifying process. Here the second part of the statement is fulfilled — "You want what I want to give you." For five years, Bhagavan showered love and love in abundance and made me a love addict and then came the period of silence. You cannot bear His silence, because you love Him, His word so much, that He creates a void by His dramatic short time departure from your life. He walks by you and you are energy blank, an empty space or He turns away from you. You are nothing but I nearly burned myself down hoping I had never existed. Then like a fresh downpour in the aridity of my life, came He again showering all love and made up for the lost time. Only then did I realise the value of God. We have to love Him, serve Him for He is Allah Himself come down to befriend us, to teach us to love one another and love Him - Brotherhood of man and the Fatherhood of God.

- Syed Kabir

Student (1987-1992), Faculty of Management and Commerce

Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning

Source: Sai Vandana 1990 (65th Birthday Offering)