I could not believe that He was what He claimed to be. It was the 22nd of October 1983; I was sitting in the Darshan line. The day was bright and sunny. Birds were chirping, cool breeze would sometimes blow, shaking the leaves of the coconut trees. It seemed that the leaves of Neem trees were dancing with joy as it was the time for having the Lord’s Darshan.
It was a unique opportunity and a wonderful experience to sit on the sands in front of the beautiful Prasanthi Mandir amidst many devotees who hailed from India and many foreign countries. I had never seen such an assemblage of men and women from different parts of the world sitting quietly for hours, some even closing their eyes and meditating, waiting to have a glimpse an Indian-born God.
I too was very eager to see Him and was waiting for the moment of His arrival. After sometime there was a sudden stir among the devotees. I looked around and saw that all eyes were pointed towards a door from which He was expected to appear. Suddenly, the joy of every one, a tiny figure clad in a red robe appeared, slowly came forward, headed to the lady devotees, and slowly came gliding towards us. There was a pin drop silence. All eyes were fixed on Him. He would talk a little here and there, take letters from some, smile at others, and look sternly at some and simply ignore some. The devotees are so mad after Him that some were crying, some smiling, some trying to touch His feet, some trying to attract His attention towards them; but most of them longed to get a slight glance from Him.
I was looking at Him and the devotees with wonder: The tiny figure with curly hair, peaceful countenance and precious movements. He was a wonderful phenomenon. I looked at His whole body and could not believe that He was God, the Lord of the universe, but only thought, ‘Oh! He is a great Yogi, a great Sadhaka; see how weak He had become by doing strict Sadhana’ and my heart was filled with love for this tiny figure and also a sense of respect came into my being for such a great soul. He went past without looking at me, turned towards the Mandir, reached the portico and disappeared. All devotees started moving from their places. Darshan was over. I was engrossed in contemplation now as to who this figure really was? If He was God then why didn’t He talk to me? Why didn’t He enquire the purpose of my visit to Him, etc.? Many such questions arose in my mind and vanished. But who could have answered them?
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| Sathya Sai Darshan at Prasanthi Nilayam |
I had my own conception of God from my childhood days. I had read many stories of Shiva, Parvati and other Gods and Goddesses and had a firm conviction that God was the greatest of all. He was omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent. To see Him meant the end of all sorrows and sufferings. If, by chance, in the journey of life we were to come across God, He would bless us with His Abhayahasta. After that our life would be full of Ananda and we would become Divine too.
But, here, I was not getting this sort of experience and so started doubting from the very first day. Strange are the ways of the Lord. We do not understand the mystery of His workmanship. He works on us in different ways. He cuts, grinds, and polishes us. Has He not said, “Man is a diamond, He must shine?” I really did not know that I was in the process of being cut and crushed in His hands to be polished very soon. Little did I realize that the coming day would bring a quite different experience for me. The next day, luckily I got the first line. He came distributing His enchanting smile to many. He came nearer and nearer to me and stood in front of me…. I hesitantly touched His Lotus Feet with both my hands. To my utter surprise I found that my hands received an electric shock and I was in some bliss land. He did not look at me and passed on.
In the evening Darshan, I came with a long letter in which I poured my heart out. As He came nearer, I saw His half smiling face in full majesty. I extended the letter towards Him; He took it with one hand and blessed me with the other. Suddenly a flash of light emerged from the palm of that small hand and entered my eyes. Ah! What a wonderful experience! Don’t ask my ecstasy then, I was in the seventh heaven. I had received what I had wanted from my Lord – the Abhayahasta. How could I, now, deny His omniscience? This act of the Lord was the answer to many of my questions.
Now, I started contemplating on the mystery of the Lord’s creation, His mysterious nature - I read a lot on Him and made up my mind not to leave this place but to make it my permanent home here.
Many months passed in His presence. I had so many experiences. Swami would come in my dreams and give me advice or predict some future incidents. Many a times, I used to ask questions to Swami’s picture and He gave me an interview. We talked for a long-long time, I narrated all the misfortunes I had had I my life. Swami listened to everything with rapt attention but did not comment on it. He simply looked at me compassionately. In another, dream Swami called me near Him and told me, “You shall continue your studies.” I was not in a position to believe how on Earth, I would become a student again, and so asked, “Certainly Swami?” He said “Yes, Yes, certainly. You shall continue your studies.” And needless to say after a long lapse of almost five years I have become a student and am struggling with my old boring friends (books), however with a new zeal and growing interest.
I would now like to mention another incident which not only shows the omnipresence of Sai but also His Love and care for His children. It was the month of May 1985: I was on my way to Manipur, my home state. I was nearing the most crowded Howrah junction in West Bengal. As I was alone I was afraid of the supposed rowdies there and was also thinking whether I would get a seat or not. The train stopped and I started praying in my heart of hearts. I got down. While I was about to proceed towards the enquiry office suddenly I smelt Vibhuti, looked around but no one was there. But the fragrance was so strong that it didn’t take time to realise that Swami was there with me to take care of. I got a seat and continued my journey happily.
But the greater proof to show the Lord’s care of His children awaited on the border of Nagaland and Manipur. Everybody is aware of the border-states such as Manipur, Arunachal Pradesh, Sikkim and Mizoram. Unless one has got inner line permit or an identity card showing whether he is under government work or a student, one cannot go. I did not have any of them as I was neither an officer nor a student. The police personnel were strict and they became all the more strict due to the impact of ‘Foreign National’s Issue’. A person without the necessary documents is sent to prison or sent back. Since there was no way out, I started chanting “Sai Ram, Sai Ram, Sai Ram”. Three police personnel got into my bus, checked everyone, questioned all the passengers and asked them to show the documents. They did so and yet some of them were treated badly. But surprisingly enough I was neither questioned nor had to produce any documents. A policeman came in front of me, sternly scolded some passengers around me, looked at me too but did not ask for anything. After a few minutes I was proceeding towards my hometown.
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| In the Prasanthi Nilayam Interview Room |
I met my parents and after a very short stay I came back to Prasanthi Nilayam. Swami called me for an interview and mentioned to me what I had spoken to my parents there in Manipur which is nearly three thousand and five hundred miles away from here. Swami said, “I am you, you are Me”- the essence of all the Divine wisdom, the only truth of the universe, the relation between the creator and the creation - which all the scriptures of the world speak of.
In every minute we get some or other experience with Swami. The only thing is that we have to be alert and watchful. I have had many more experiences and I am experiencing His Divinity day-by-day. Today I don’t have any doubt about this little figure, “Whether He is what He really says what He is.” Yes I can affirm you all “He is God, the Lord of the universe.”
- D.R. Sharma
Alumnus, Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning
Prasanthi Nilayam Campus
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