I could not believe that He was what He claimed to be. It was the 22nd day of October 1983. I was sitting in the Darshan line. The day was bright and sunny. A cool breeze blew sometimes, shaking the leaves of the coconut trees and it seemed that the leaves of the Neem trees were dancing with joy as it was the time for having the Lord’s Darshan.
It was a unique opportunity and a wonderful experience to sit on the sands in front of the beautiful Prasanthi Mandir amidst many devotees who hailed from various parts of India and many foreign countries. I had never seen such an assemblage of men and women from different parts of the world sitting quietly for hours, some even closing their eyes and meditating and waiting to have a glimpse of an Indian-born God. I too, was very eager to see Him and was waiting for His arrival. After sometime there was a sudden stir amongst the devotees. I looked around and saw that all eyes were riveted on a door from which He was expected to appear. To the joy of everyone, a short figure clad in a red robe appeared, and first headed towards the lady devotees, and then slowly came gliding towards us. There was pin drop silence. All eyes were fixed on Him. He talked a little here and there, took letters from some, smiled at others, looked sternly at some and simply ignored some. Some devotees were crying, some smiling, some trying to touch His feet, some trying to attract His attention towards them but most of them longed to get a slight glance from Him.
I was looking at Him and the devotees with wonder. The short figure with curly hair, peaceful countenance and gracious movements, was a wonderful phenomenon. I looked at Him and could not believe that He was God, the Lord of the Universe. I thought, “Oh! He is a great Yogi, a great Sadhaka; see how weak He has become by doing strict Sadhana.” My heart was filled with love for this figure. Also a sense of respect came into my being for such a great soul. He went past without looking at me, turned towards the Mandir, reached the portico and disappeared. All devotees started getting up from their places after Darshan.
I was now engrossed in the thought as to who this figure really was? What was it that I had seen just then? Could God be a man, a little man? If He were God, then why didn’t He talk to me? Why didn’t He enquire the purpose of my visit? Many such questions arose in my mind and vanished. Who could answer these questions?
I had my own conception of God from my childhood day. I had read many stories of Shiva, Parvati and other Gods and Goddesses and had a firm conviction that God is the greatest of all. He is Omnipresent, Omniscient and Omnipotent. His Darshan can put an end to all sorrows and sufferings. If, by chance, in the journey of life we were to come across God, He would bless us with His Abhayahasta. After that our lives would be full of Ananda and we would become Divine too.
But here I was not getting this sort of experience and so, I started doubting from the very first day. Strange are the ways of the Lord. We do not understand the mystery of His workmanship. He works on us in different ways. He cuts, grinds, and polishes us. Has He not said, “Man is a diamond; he must shine”? I really did not know what it meant. I was in the process of being cut and crushed in His hands. Little did I realise that the next day would bring quite a different experience for me. The next day, luckily I got the first line for Darshan. He came with His enchanting smile. He came close to me and stood in front of me. I hesitantly touched His Lotus Feet with both my hands. To my utter surprise, my hands received an electric shock and I was in bliss. He did not look at me, but passed on.
During the evening Darshan, I came with a long letter in which I had poured my heart out. As He came closer, I saw His half-smiling face in full majesty. I extended the letter towards Him. He took it with one hand and blessed me with the other. Suddenly a flash of light emerged from His palm and entered my eyes. Ah! What a wonderful experience! I had received what I wanted from my Lord - the Abhayahasta. How could I, now deny His omniscience? This act of the Lord was the answer to many of my questions. Now, I started contemplating on the mystery of the Lord’s creation, and His mysterious nature. I read a lot about Him and made up my mind not to leave this place if possible.
Many months passed in His presence. I had many experiences. Swami would come in my dreams and give me advice or predict some future incidents. Many a time I used to ask questions in front of Swami’s picture and He, in person would answer during Darshan. Swami, in one of my dreams, gave me an interview. He walked for a long time, and I narrated all the misfortunes I had in my life. Swami listened to everything with rapt attention but did not comment on it. He simply looked at me compassionately.
In another dream, Swami called me near Him and said, “You shall continue your studies”. I was not in a position to believe that I would become a student again, and so asked, “Will I Swami?” He said, “Yes, Yes, Certainly. You shall continue your studies.” And needless to say after a long lapse of almost five years I became a student again and started renewing friendship with my old friends (books), with new zeal and growing interest.
The following incident not only shows the omnipresence of Sai but also His love and care for His children. It was May 1985; I was on my way to Manipur, my home state. I was nearing the crowded Howrah junction in West Bengal. As I was alone I was afraid that I would not get a reserved seat. The train stopped and I started praying to Swami in my heart of hearts. While I was about to proceed towards the enquiry office, suddenly I smelt Vibhuti. I looked around and found no one nearby. But the fragrance was so strong that I didn’t take time to realise that Swami was there to take care of me. I got a seat and continued my journey happily.
But a greater proof to show the Lord’s care for His children waited on the border of Nagaland and Manipur. Everybody is aware of the fact that in the border state such as Manipur, Arunachal Pradesh, Sikkim & Mizoram, unless one has an identity card showing that one is in a Government service or a student, one cannot enter these states.
I did not have any identity card with me. The police personnel were very strict and they had become all the more strict due to the impact of 'Foreign Nationals issue'. A person without the necessary documents was sent to prison or sent back. Since there was no way out, I started chanting, “Sairam, Sairam, Sairam ...” Three police personnel got into my bus, checked everyone, and questioned all the passengers and asked them to show the necessary documents. But surprisingly, I was neither questioned nor asked to produce any documents. A policeman came in front of me, sternly scolded some passengers around me, looked at me too but did not ask for anything. After few minutes I was proceeding towards my home town.
I met my parents, and after a very short stay I came back to Prasanthi Nilayam. Swami called me for an interview and mentioned to me what I had spoken to my parents there in Manipur, which is nearly 3,500 miles away from here.
He, in that interview, said, “I am you. You are Me.” The essence of all the Divine wisdom, the only truth of the universe, the relation between the creator and the creation - is contained in this sentence.
Every minute in Prasanthi Nilayam we get a unique experience with Swami. But we have to be alert and watchful. Today I don’t have any doubts about Sri Sathya Sai Baba. He is God, “The Lord of the universe”.
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