Love Seeks No Reward - By Dr. Sai Giridhar Sairam

Sai Giridhar with Sri Sathya Sai in Chennai (2007)

Love is the eternal quest for man. Man seeks love in his family, in his neighbours, his friends and in his life. This quest goes on until he finds that ultimate source of love, love that never depletes, that which never says no, that which is always there with him no matter what he is or who he is. Love that knows not to judge his every act; but simply love love and love! 

There was once a doll made of salt which was also in its quest for true love. After an exhaustive and disappointing journey across the length and breadth of its country, the doll of salt finally reached the end of its search. The doll stood in awe, now that it saw its ultimate destination in its magnificent glory. With its cool breeze and soft touch, the majestic ocean welcomed the doll of salt with open arms and said, “Come my child, I have been waiting for you.” That moment came in my life on the 9th of June, 1999. Swami embraced me with His open arms and left an indelible mark of love on me that read His Student.

As days passed by I basked in His love with every rising sun. I tried to please His with every act of mine. I fought for His love for there were many who wanted it − many who claimed greater deserved-ness for it! All that fight would fade into oblivion when we heard that beautiful music being played − the subtle proclamation of His arrival. Beneath that music was a profound silence. In the depth of that silence we heard not just the voice of God, but saw Him; touched Him and felt His pure selfless Love fill our hearts as He went past us. He said, “Did you lose your way? Why did it take you so long to come to Me?” Though He had a mellifluous voice, He seldom used it. All that He said was through a mere smile, a look or a gesture that would speak more profoundly than words. 

It was the month of August, I guess the 21st day. I was thrilled, shocked and loved like never before. I was thrilled to know that Swami was going to come to the college auditorium for a special discourse to be delivered only to students. We were all seated in eager anticipation. Somehow it feels very different and celebrated when you are with Swami inside a closed complex and not in the mammoth Kulwant Hall. Though there were some thousand and odd students in the auditorium, being a school boy, I got to sit many rows behind the elders and the college students. I felt like I had a private session with Swami − just Swami and I!

Swami arrived and it was all different from the Darshan we had every day. The subtle music was replaced by a splendid and resounding Institute Band that played wonderful music. There was dance and Bhajans that expressed the joy of our hearts in welcoming Him to our own abode. We were seated on the auditorium chairs instead of the floor in Mandir, which felt odd at the beginning. As He entered the auditorium, a thousand feet stood in respect, a thousand hands prostrated in love and a thousand hearts throbbed in joy. As Swami walked majestically onto the stage, we all could see that the ‘Jagan Nataka Sutradhari’ was nonchalantly hiding something from us. 

We were shocked to know that the One in whom the very primordial sound finds its source, was not able to speak a word. The hearts that jumped with joy now cried in pain. Every single eye in that gathering was brimming with tears. Some said His body had been unwell for a few days, a few others said that He had taken upon Himself a devotee’s disease. My heart was not ready to accept any reason. So was every other heart. Why, why does He have to take it upon Himself? By His mere Will, He can cure anyone anywhere! Then why should His body suffer? These questions were loud and raging in our minds even as there was a deafening silence in the auditorium that was interrupted by sounds of sobs of those who could not hold themselves any longer. My vision too was blurred by uncontrollable tears.

The Lord summoned a staff member to place the mike on the table in front of Him. We failed to understand why He was doing all this. He had simply told His students that He would speak to them. He could have very well cancelled or postponed this meeting, but isn’t He that very same Lord Rama who had said that He will give up His life but never go back on His word. Swami then whispered into the mike, “God is the very embodiment of sound,” and gestured that He could speak no more. He rested His hands on the table and bent His head down. I could take it no more. A painful silence wrecked my soul. 

From that abyss, rose a thunderous, Divine voice that ripped through the silence like the arrows of Lord Sri Rama. In a mellifluous yet powerful voice our beloved Lord sang a beautiful poem and our hearts danced with joy. The whole auditorium reverberated with thunderous applause that lasted for more than a minute. We witnessed a miracle indeed, yet it was to be much more than just another display of the power of Divinity. It was a demonstration of the infinite power of love.

Sri Sathya Sai addresses students in the Prasanthi Nilayam Campus Auditorium

During the course of His Divine discourse Swami said that God never breaks the laws of nature. He would not use His own Divine powers to cure His body. Our beloved Lord said that He could not see tears in our eyes. It was the pure love of all His students that had melted His heart and had made Him speak. I was loved like never before, selflessly. It is He who has installed that love in us. It is He who gives us faith and devotion towards Him. Finally, He gives all the credit to us. It is then that I stopped and asked myself, I always seek true love in return for all that I am ready to do for it, but what does love truly seek?

Just as the doll of salt entered the ocean, it began to melt. At first the doll of salt gave away its legs to its beloved. That was followed by its trunk, its hands and all the while the doll said to the ocean, “Oh Ocean, how do I know you? What should I do to love you selflessly?” and the ocean replied, “Come within and know yourself.” As the doll moved more and more into the ocean it became one with it and when there was just a speck left, the doll said, “Now I know who I am!” The doll of salt came from the ocean and merged back into the ocean and all the while it was in essence, the salt of the ocean. To know what the ocean was, all that the doll had to do was to stop trying and start being itself! 

What does Love seek? Love seeks to Be. That is all it wants. It is its own reward. When I prayed to Him, “Swami, how can I love You selflessly?” He said, “You don’t have to do anything. Every moment is love, every breath is love, and every act is love, there is nothing but love, love and love. All you need to do is stop trying. Just be and experience Love; that you are!”            

- Dr. Sai Giridhar Sairam

Student and Doctoral Research Scholar (2001-2017)

Department of Chemistry

Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning

Prasanthi Nilayam Campus

Source: From His Loving Students (85th Birthday Issue)